Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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