there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
