If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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