i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
