My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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