My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im holly from the hills drunk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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