woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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