Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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