He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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