Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
