I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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