well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
