im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
