so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the knife in your bed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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