Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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