Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
