so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They have beer where we have blood.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize