I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
