it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
