omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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