it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
