You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
