need another drink. this is the easiest way
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
