there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
