Your tits are I can't wait for
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize