wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
