She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
