I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
