I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize