he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
