you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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