he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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