Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
