Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
