My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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