yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she woke up with a sticky ear
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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