I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
