are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
