yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
