You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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