Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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