I cut my penus on the lid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
