By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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