if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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