I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
