He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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