my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Text me some of your sweat
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
