Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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