My Higher Power is John Stamos
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
