I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Panties = found
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
