i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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