Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
