so explain again why im purple
no
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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