I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
