Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
