dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
