Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
