For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
