Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
