no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
