Too much gin, very little bucket
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
