she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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