My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
