he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
