I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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