Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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