If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
