Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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