i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
