I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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