So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
