Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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