if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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