Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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